Saturday, March 15, 2014

Storm Inside of Me

Nothing here is what it seems
You've been chasing after empty dreams
This worlds been lying to you
Pulled you further from the truth
Took you to a cold dark place
Filled your heart with disgrace
Isolated all alone, you can't even go home
Left you there wondering, how you ever got like this, got like this...
Oh but just...
Hold on, don't you go losing it now,
The sun will shine and help you find your way out
Your broken heart pounds like thunder
The waves they try to pull you under
Don't be afraid, he said "There's nothing to fear"
The price was paid, when He shed His blood and tears
The lightning strikes will make it hard to see through
But he will calm this storm inside of you
In this life it's sink or swim
And it's so easy, to give in
Picks you up when you're vulnerable
A thief in the night, tries to steal your soul
Takes you to a cold place
Fills your heart with disgrace
Isolated all alone, you can't even go home
Dirty looks from everyone
You're wondering what you have done, what you have done...
It's a long way down, but just turn around and walk the other way
It's not too late, just listen and you'll hear him say...
Hold on, don't you go losing it now,
The sun will shine and help you find your way out
Your broken heart pounds like thunder
The waves they try to pull you under
Don't be afraid, he said "There's nothing to fear"
The price was paid, when I shed my blood and tears
The lightning strikes will make it hard to see through
But I will calm this storm inside of you
Just hold on
Hold on
Veronica Ballestrini - Storm Inside of You

I hadn't watched the music video for this song in a long time but I am glad I pulled it up on youtube tonight. It brings tears to my eyes each time I watch it. I need to set it up on a permanent loop for the days that overwhelm me, which have been more often than I like the past few months. The lyrics of this song could have been written for me. 

While I was on youtube, I watched my video. A Day in Life of a Single Mom with Twins. It features another great song. I thought those months were so hard. I watch that video now and realize it wasn't that bad. I can only hope that I can look back on this week and believe the same thing.

I set up a gofundme page a couple weeks ago. To be honest, I had some jealously. I saw people donating money to help families in need. My depression twisted it and I wanted what I hoped to be a quick fix; so I set up my own page on the site. Then my anxiety made me self conscious and I felt horrible for asking anyone for help. When I got a couple donations, I felt better. But when I didn't magically have a million dollars in 3 days, the depression was overwhelming. I am still not exactly sure how I feel about the whole thing except that I know I really do need help.

On top of the normal every day struggles of being single mom, I have been having some medical problems. It looks to be an issue with my thyroid. Hopefully a new prescription medication will take care of the symptoms and help me to feel better. It isn't a medical emergency or even a huge concern, but it has caused physical pain plus increased my depression and anxiety. It made the overwhelming stress over my license and transportation issues ten times worse. It is hard enough to walk to the bus stop with two little boys, ride one or two buses to an appointment without wanting to cry because of the pain.

I don't expect anyone to take care of all my problems or issues. I wouldn't tell them no if they tried, but I don't expect it. I just have reached the point that I can't do it without some help. If I can't get out of the hole we are in, I am never going to get ahead. Admitting how badly I need help is scary to me. I have been judged many times for the type of mom/wife/woman I am. I don't want people to think of me as just a single mom, or a crazy girl. Just typing this post is giving me anxiety. I hope that somebody will understand and be willing to help. If you can't help, that is fine. I obviously understand the financial struggle that many families are facing in this economy. All I ask is that you go to the page, read what I wrote, consider helping and then share the page with someone else. On your facebook or twitter, send it in an email - just help share my struggle with anyone that may be in a position to give me a step up.

This is the URL of the gofundme page. There is also a widget on the left side that you can click on.

Links have also been embedded in the text above for the videos and the page. Thank you.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Boogie Outside The Box !

I am not talking about dancing, just boogers. Everyone I know has been sick or had a sick child in their family recently. All those runny noses, boogie noses, stuffed noses - UGH! Tissues work but they leave your nose sore and red. My boys hate if I come near them with a tissue from the box. So it is...

Time To Think Outside The Box!

Boogie Wipes are soft saline wipes that will help to soften mucus and clean up little noses. These wipes are not just for kids, and not just for noses. You can clean up sticky hands and faces too. I love them as a mom when I bow my nose. Even my grandfather liked to use them when he was in the hospital on Oxygen. The tubing would make his nose dry and the wipes helped him too. I know some people might not like using a wet or moist wipe on their nose but once I tried it, I was hooked.

Prize Pack will contain a random assortment of products.

My team is holding a giveaway. If you show us how you Think Outside The Box and use Boogie Wipes, you can win a prize pack of Boogie Wipe products. Show us how you Boogie and WIN!

Thursday, November 28, 2013

We're Back ! And we have a new addition !

No I am not pregnant and there is not a new baby in the house. Our new addition is our Elf.  I started seeing this elf stuff popping up all over the internet a year ago. Friends were posting pictures of weird things Barbie was doing with the Elf.  I wasn't super clear but I wanted to find out. I did my research and decided we had to have one. I never did get around to buying one last year but I had planned to get an Elf, no matter the cost, this year. Lucky Me because I found one at a Holiday Sale the church did to raise money for missions. I only spent $5. We read the story and the twins both wanted to name him. Of course at 3.5 years old, they could not agree. One liked JINGLE and the other one liked GEORGE. I got them t o combine their ideas and add a little bit of silly mom to it ....... TA DA - we have Jingle Georgie ! He has been hanging out in his box in the living room waiting for the turkey to be put away to make his grand entrance.

He arrived tonight in a new (to us) space ship filled with candy canes. He left his book propped open on the tail fin and the page is marked with a candy cane. It is open to the part that reminds kids not to touch the Elf or he could lose his magic. Jingle Georgie even left a note with a big NO. The twins are 3.5 there will be a lot of reminders.

Well, I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving. It ended up being just the three of us today but it was nice. The boys fell asleep before pie so they will have to eat it tomorrow. I might go do some shopping but it will depend on the kids.

I want to hit a couple craft stores tomorrow to take advantage of some great coupons. I can get 30% my entire purchase which would be a nice savings for my pocket. SO let's explain that... I love being crafty and creative. After more than a couple people told me to sell my stuff, I started taking them serious. It grew and I have been making and selling hair bows, headbands, mini hats, tutu dresses, and even wreaths and picture frames. I have even spray painted a couple lamps and a desk. It is lots of fun and it is something I really like to do. It is great at relieving stress and I have plenty of that.

My business page : CoCo Pretties

OK - next big reason I never blogged for nine months

Halloween kept me busying making tutu dresses for costumes and taking part in a photo shoot for a couple other local business.  All the tutu dresses and hair pretties were made by me at my home.
(Pet free/Smoke free/But I do have toddlers)


September was a battle of trying to get the boys approved for preschool. Not delayed enough for one program, too delayed on another issue for this program. Meanwhile Sam does OT, PT and Speech on a weekly basis while Jayson does Speech every other week.

August is the month my oldest boy graduated from Basic Training at Fort Benning with his blue infantry cords. The ceremony was on a Friday morning in Georgia.  HE flew home to AZ with his fiancee and the wedding was Monday evening.  (Sadly my grandpa ended up in the hospital again and then was transferred to a rehab facility until he could heal more.)

June and July was hectic too. My grandpa had taken ill after a stroke in April. I went down to PHX for a couple weeks to help out. He was back at home but he still needed help in the house and getting to appointments. I was glad to spend those two weeks down there helping out my favorite grandpa.

March, April and May - I can't remember. I do know that we were out doing stuff as much as possible. We enjoyed being outside and having new bikes to ride.

I use facebook way too much for things that should be kept as memories. I should treat this blog like a journal. So all the cute things are saved in one spot.

CHEESE !!!!!!!

Well, after a pseudo clean up of a potty training accident - they are back to sleep in my bed - so I need to go to sleep as well. If anyone is still reading, thanks.

Grinch and Max are up to no good.